Bouncing Back

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Yes, I'm back. Medyo dumaan lang sa isang depressing phase which caused me to hide inside my shell for quite a while. I just can't help it. I tend to clam up when something's bothering me so bad. I shut the world out. I'm just thankful that I have my family who gives me moral support. Thanks to my husband's patience, understanding and encouragement. And to my kids ... although they were not fully aware of what I was going through, they're actually always my main reason to keep going. And my Mama who I texted yards and yards of messages which conveyed my whining and groaning. She usually gets pissed when I succomb to depression because as she says, it only shows I don't have faith in the Lord. But I guess, being too far away, she knew that I really just wanted someone to listen. Her encouraging words and prayers were enough to lift me up.

It's just ironic that when someone comes to me to share his/her pain, I'm able to give sound spiritual advice and encouragement but handling my own problem is so hard. My own medicine doesnt work for me. I get so weak and easily fall. Someone has to help me get up. A friend told me that probably I was just over-reacting to my problems. Making a mountain out of a mole hill. Well, on some situations she could be right.

But depression is good, I embrace it with passion. I know it's sounds like I'm contradicting myself. What I mean is for me it's spiritually enriching. When my spirit is down and weak, and I feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, there's really no one to run to but God. It is during times like this that I'm humbled once again and reminded of how gracious He has always been to me. I try to count my blessings but they're countless. I cry when I think about my past travails and how God marvelously carried me through. He's faithfulness is awesome. And it's a shame how easily I break into pieces when He tries my faith. I should know better. If God cares for the sparrows and the lilies of the field, how much more for me who He created in the image of Himself?

So whatever comes my way it should be well with my soul ...

When peace, like a river attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend

Even so, it is well with my soul.

(It Is Well With My Soul by Horatio Gates Spafford)

.